Workplace dilemmas: I think my colleague has fallen for me

Our resident agony uncle addresses your workplace woes. This time: does your co-worker want to be more than just friends?

Dear Tim,

I’ve a very strong suspicion that a woman I work with has fallen in love with me. We’ve always enjoyed a close, somewhat flirtatious, relationship. I certainly wouldn’t deny a degree of mutual attraction.

But recently, I feel a new intensity has crept in. We’re commercial property lawyers, and have to work closely when deals are going through, often for very long hours and late into the night. Inevitably, that means we end up eating meals together, sharing the odd bottle of wine after hours, and chatting about stuff in our lives that makes us unhappy.

I’ve told her that I sometimes feel rather unfulfilled in my relationship with my wife. I’ve been married for 15 years and have three children. We live in a lovely home and all get on really well. But I suppose like all middle-aged men, I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I’d taken a different course, maybe been a bit more daring in my decisions.

My colleague is the only person I’ve really confided in about all this stuff. I suppose it’s a function of spending so much time together, and working with such intensity. But I feel that she’s read more into it than I realised and now makes comments about wanting a new life herself, or wondering if she should be braver in telling people how she feels about them.

To give you an example of what’s provoking my concerns, we were recently chatting about the things we find attractive in members of the opposite sex – what clothes we liked them to wear, or the sort of physical build we most appreciate. As I listened to her reflections, I realised she was describing me.

This is all rather unnerving. I genuinely don’t know what to do, and worry that I may have inadvertently led her on. If you can help me out, I’d be so grateful as I don’t want this to progress. I love my wife, and am happy with my life. I don’t want to do anything to imperil it.

Tim says:

I have to admire your candour in writing. And the first thing to say is that you’re by no means alone in finding yourself caught up in an intense and potentially damaging liaison with a colleague. Of the one in five people who admit to having affairs, 58 per cent say they started in the workplace.

The marriage guidance charity Relate acknowledges how easy it can be for affairs to start at work. As with your situation, colleagues often work very closely together, sharing goals and pressures. That can lead to temptation, when an initial spark gives way to something rather more intimate and intense.

As much as I think you’re being honest in writing, I do want to challenge you on something: are you completely free of temptation yourself? You say that you’re worried you’ve led your colleague on, and it certainly sounds as if some of your conversations have given the impression that you’d like to pursue something more in your relationship with her. It’s something of a cliché for a man to tell his would-be mistress that he’s unhappy at home, or longs for a bit of excitement.

Please don’t hear this as me judging you. That’s not my place at all. But it seems as if you need to ask some questions of yourself in all this: is there a part of you, however small, that likes the idea of an affair with this person? Are you secretly drawn to her, as you believe she is drawn to you?

Either way, I think you need to create some distance between the two of you. Easier said than done, I know, especially amid the pressures of a busy legal practice. But if you have a way of working separately, perhaps teaming up with other colleagues for a while, that may provide the space you both need to get over this attraction.

Because, if there’s one thing that can be said with certainty, it’s that any pursuit of this extra-marital relationship won’t end well. Any initial feelings of excitement will soon be displaced by guilt and regret. And it sounds like you have a lovely family who would be devastated by any betrayal.

So, for your own sake, get yourself out of the way of temptation. And if what you’ve told your colleague about feeling a bit stale is true, now may be the time to have a difficult, but potentially marriage-saving, conversation with your wife. If you feel like life’s left you behind, she may well feel the same.

Seek some counselling, talk it all through. You may find you rediscover your spark and breathe new life into your marriage.

Whatever happens, pouring your energies into your existing relationships has got to be better than continuing to be tempted by something new. I think you know that, which is why you’ve written. Now you’ve just got to have the confidence and fortitude to act accordingly.

Published: 27 March 2019

© 2019 Just Recruitment Group Ltd

If you liked this piece, take a look at: How do I help my colleague through mental illness?

You may also enjoy: How to deal with professional envy

 

Jobs currently available

New job
CAD Designer
Sector: Engineering and Manufacturing
Location: Colchester
Role: Full Time
Contract: Permanent
Job ref: 913701
About the role

Just Recruitment is working with a successful and growing company based on the outskirts of Colchester, to recruit a CAD Designer to join their experienced and talented team.

In this role, you’ll be at the heart of the design process – creating detailed technical drawings for bespoke joinery projects, including cabinetry, furniture, and architectural woodwork. You'll work closely with the internal team to bring custom designs to life, ensuring every piece meets exact client specifications and supports seamless manufacturing.

Key duties include:

  • Technical drawing and design:
  • Create detailed 2D CAD drawings for custom joinery projects using AutoCAD.
  • Develop accurate and detailed technical drawings for manufacturing, including plans, elevations, sections, and detailed joinery components.
  • Interpret and translate client briefs, architectural drawings, and design concepts into technical drawings.
  • Ensure all drawings comply with industry standards, company specifications, and project requirements.

Collaboration and communication:

  • Work closely with the design team to understand project requirements and offer design input.
  • Collaborate with the production team to ensure drawings are feasible and align with manufacturing capabilities.
  • Liaise with Project Managers, Architects, and clients to resolve any design or technical issues.

Quality control:

  • Review and revise drawings based on feedback and ensure the accuracy of all final deliverables.
  • Maintain up-to-date project documentation and version control of drawings.
  • Conduct regular checks to ensure drawings meet company standards and regulatory requirements.

Role requirements include:

  • A degree or diploma in CAD, Engineering, Architecture, or a related field.
  • Proven experience (3+ years) as a CAD Technician, ideally within the joinery or woodworking industry.
  • Proficiency in AutoCAD is essential.
  • Experience with other CAD and 3D modelling software, such as SolidWorks, preferred but not essential.
  • Strong understanding of joinery techniques, materials, and construction methods.
  • Excellent attention to detail and a keen eye for design.
  • Strong problem-solving skills and the ability to think critically.
  • Effective communication skills, both written and verbal.
  • Professional, reliable and willing to learn.
  • Ability to manage multiple projects simultaneously and meet deadlines.

This is an excellent opportunity to join a great team, offering a very competitive package and further development.

Working hours are Monday to Friday. 07.30 to 16.30.

Free parking is available on-site.

 

Just Recruitment acts as an employment agency for permanent roles.
We are an equal opportunities employer and welcome applications from all suitable candidates.

 

Read more
Cleaner (part-time)
Sector: Customer Services
Salary: £12.21 per hour
Location: Ipswich
Role: Part Time
Contract: Temporary
Job ref: JT-IPS-C-0725
About the role

Just Temps is supporting a company in Ipswich, seeking an experienced Cleaner to join their team on a temporary basis. This is a great opportunity for someone looking for short-term evening work.

Hours: 5.00pm to 9.00pm (Monday to Friday)

Role responsibilities include:

  • General office cleaning across multiple floors
  • Cleaning of toilets, canteen areas, and communal spaces
  • Lifting and transporting heavy cleaning equipment up and down stairs
  • Ensuring high standards of cleanliness are maintained throughout the building

Requirements:

  • Previous cleaning experience is essential
  • Capable of handling heavy equipment
  • Reliable and punctual with a strong work ethic
  • Comfortable working independently across various areas of the building

Benefits:

  • Competitive hourly rate
  • Evening hours – ideal for fitting around other commitments
  • Supportive team environment

Free parking is available on-site.

 

Just Temps acts as an Employment Business for the supply of Temporary Staff.
The salary advertised is the bracket available for this position. 
We are an equal opportunities employer and welcome applications from all suitable candidates.

 

Read more
Technical Support Supervisor
Sector: Engineering and Manufacturing
Location: Sudbury
Role: Full Time
Contract: Permanent
Job ref: 913720
About the role

Just Recruitment is working with a growing organisation based in Sudbury to recruit a Technical Support Supervisor to join their long-standing team.

Due to business growth, this newly created position is responsible for supporting technical operations to ensure the smooth functioning of the technical systems, processes and projects under the guidance of the division's business leader.

The role is crucial in aligning the company’s technical capabilities with business goals, ensuring that the products are designed and manufactured/assembled to operate effectively and securely.

You will need to demonstrate experience in project management and implementation, technical experience and industry best practices. You will also need to show knowledge of compliance with relevant laws, regulations and industry standards.

Key requirements include:

  • Troubleshooting skills, to investigate and resolve technical issues relating to products
  • Provide technical support and training to other team members, including sales
  • Support the development and implementation of new products
  • Ability to produce accurate bills of materials (BOMS) and standard operating procedures (SOPs)
  • Experience in computer-aided design (CAD) and the ability to produce product drawings
  • Basic software programming skills would be an advantage
  • Sound understanding of electronics

This is a site-based role.

This role offers a very competitive package and a great working environment.


Just Recruitment acts as an employment agency for permanent roles.
We are an equal opportunities employer and welcome applications from all suitable candidates.

 

Read more
Product Sales Executive
Sector: Engineering and Manufacturing
Location: Sudbury
Role: Full Time
Contract: Permanent
Job ref: 913721
About the role

Just Recruitment is working with a growing business based in Sudbury, looking to add a Product Sales Executive to its long-established team.

Due to continued business growth, this newly created role will be responsible for building and managing relationships with both direct customers and distributors to drive revenue. The position forms part of the sales and marketing team.

Key duties include:

  • Qualifying and identifying customer needs, presenting product features and benefits, negotiating sales terms and ensuring customer satisfaction.
  • Selling to existing and new customers, building and maintaining client relationships, meeting sales targets, and developing your industry knowledge.
  • Identifying, qualifying, onboarding, and managing key partners to ensure they are motivated and aligned with business goals.
  • Demonstrate monitoring and reporting capability.

Key requirements include:

  • Proven experience in product sales.
  • Experience in qualifying and prospecting for new clients.
  • Excellent communication, interpersonal, relationship-building and written skills with the ability to build rapport with customers, listen to their needs and effectively communicate product information.
  • Nurture relationships with existing customers to ensure satisfaction and identify repeat business opportunities.
  • Ability to demonstrate product features and explain benefits.
  • A solid understanding of the sales cycle and sales techniques is critical. Ability to close deals, negotiate and handle objections.
  • Effective time management — to be able to prioritise tasks, manage sales activities and meet deadlines.

This is a site-based role, but there is an expectation that you will spend a significant portion of the role outside the office with clients, prospects, and business partners.

This role offers a very competitive salary and package.

 

Just Recruitment acts as an employment agency for permanent roles.
We are an equal opportunities employer and welcome applications from all suitable candidates.

 

Read more
Industrial Sales Manager
Sector: Engineering and Manufacturing
Location: Sudbury
Role: Full Time
Contract: Permanent
Job ref: 913719
About the role

Just Recruitment is working with a growing organisation, based in Sudbury, looking to add an Industrial Sales Manager to their team.

Due to continued business growth, this is a newly created role for a high-performing Sales Manager with a background in engineering sales.

The key purpose of this role is to build and manage relationships with industrial users of their systems and channel partners across numerous sectors.

You will be experienced in developing and executing sales strategies to expand market reach and deliver growth in sales.

Specifically, you will have a track record of identifying, qualifying, onboarding and managing key customers, specifiers and partners, ensuring they are motivated and aligned with all industrial products and company goals.

Key requirements include:

  • Proven experience in engineering/industrial sales.
  • Experience in qualifying and prospecting for new clients.
  • Possess excellent communication, interpersonal, relationship-building, and written skills, with the ability to build rapport with customers, listen to their needs, and effectively communicate product information.
  • A solid understanding of the sales cycle, purchasing process and sales techniques in industrial sales is critical.
  • Ability to develop and execute direct sales and channel strategies, aligned with the company’s goals.
  • Ability to demonstrate effective time management skills, with the ability to prioritise tasks, manage sales activities, and meet deadlines.

This role offers an incredibly competitive package including company benefits and incentives.

The role is primarily office-based, with regular travel required to visit clients, prospects, and partners.

 

Just Recruitment acts as an employment agency for permanent roles.
We are an equal opportunities employer and welcome applications from all suitable candidates.

 

Read more