Each month, our agony uncle responds to your concerns. This time: dealing with habitual infatuation in the workplace
Have you ever had that feeling of falling in love with someone? Not the feeling of actually being in love, but the thing that happens in the first few days and weeks of infatuation?
|I always seem to fall for people in my workplace. Colleagues. So it gets complicated when we split up,...|
The feeling of butterflies in your stomach when they come into your vicinity, as if your legs may just give way beneath you?
Of wanting to spend every spare moment with them – so much so that you construct increasingly spurious reasons to talk to them?
That magical feeling of hearing them laugh at your every joke, and enjoying their company so much you feel as if you could never tire of their anecdotes, of their charm, of their sheer presence in your life?
It’s one of the loveliest sensations in the world. It makes you glad to be alive, gives you a spring in your step and a smile on your face. I adore it.
Trouble is, I’m beginning to think I’m addicted to falling in love. Every so often I have a longer-term relationship, but it always fizzles out after a few months because I get bored.
Then I have a fallow period where I don’t see anyone, before the process of infatuation starts again.
That would be problematic in its own right, but there’s a further complication. I always seem to fall for people in my workplace. Colleagues. So it gets complicated when we split up, because everyone ends up feeling awkward.
It is inevitable that my infatuations should be with people I work alongside. I’m a lawyer and we work extremely long hours. Sometimes I’m in the office for 20 or more hours, and it’s not uncommon for me to sleep in the car, grab a shower in the gym and then start another day.
On one level, it’s fine that I form these relationships. I’m a single, or should I say “self-partnered”, guy. So I’m not hurting anyone. That said, my latest girlfriend is married, though I know she’s unhappy in her relationship and wants it to end.
I’m not overly concerned about the ethics of it all. But I do wonder if I should be reining myself in. The thing is, work is so all-consuming that it’s actually kind of nice to have something else to focus on while I’m there. And love is one of the best distractions of all.
Crikey. There’s a lot going on in this letter and I’m not quite sure where to begin.
Let’s start with the thing that you don’t really acknowledge as a problem: your work-life balance. It’s clear that you are dedicated to a very demanding professional life. I presume you find it stimulating, and it clearly gives you an aura of confidence that shines through in your letter.
|...I can’t help but wonder if some of your habits around relationships are a means of coping with stress.|
But I can’t help but wonder if some of your habits around relationships are a means of coping with stress. There’s a sense in your poetic descriptions of falling in love that you see it as a form of escapism, a way of getting away from the demanding routines of your daily life.
So maybe you’re not as in love with falling in love as you think. Maybe you’re actually longing for a release from pressure, something to think about that isn’t work. Maybe you need a break.
Of course, you describe many of the signs of falling in love and it’s absolutely right and proper that you should relish the experience of connecting with another human being.
But it is almost as if the thrill of that initial spark has become a drug for you. Something you crave just for the sake of it, without letting it develop into a full-on relationship in which other qualities emerge.
Now, this could be for two reasons. Some people genuinely do find it very easy to fall in love, hard and fast. They can often end up feeling broken-hearted when things don’t work out, even if they’ve been a big cause of that relationship failure.
For others, the experience of falling in love isn’t actually real. It’s a form of displacement, taking their mind off the thing that’s really at issue and focusing it on something more acceptable.
I wonder if that’s what happening here. In which case, you may try a two-pronged strategy: one, try to stop yourself from falling in love so readily by seeking companionship with family and friends and busying yourself with other pursuits.
Two, consider counselling to help you discern what’s really going on here. You may be surprised by what emerges.
Finally, and I think this goes without saying: back off the married woman. She may be desperately unhappy in her marriage but you can’t allow yourself to become the reason for its breakdown. Especially since you’ll most likely move on to a new relationship soon enough.
She’s off limits, right? It’s for your good and hers.
Published: 8 November 2019
© 2019 Just Recruitment Group Ltd
If you enjoyed this article, you may like: Workplace dilemmas: I think my colleague has fallen for me
You may also enjoy: Mental Health in the workplace for employers and employees
Back Up Care is recruiting for a Care Coordinator for their Colchester Office to work on the busy Healthcare desk.
Previous experience in scheduling care and support staff would be preferred and a healthcare background is an advantage. You will be extremely confident and well-presented and be able to use your own initiative.
This position will involve working alongside the Office Manager, supporting them with the day to day running of the desk.
The role will include:
This requires you to work at an extremely fast pace, placing candidates into both temporary and permanent placements to match their qualifications, skills and experience.
There is a large amount of telephone calls liaison with candidates and clients, therefore excellent clear communicational skills are a must and excellent interpersonal skills are essential.
Other essential skills are:
28 days holiday including public holidays, increasing to 33 days after 2-year service.
If you wish to apply for this role, please forward your CV to firstname.lastname@example.org
|Sector:||Engineering and Manufacturing
|Salary:||£24,000 - £26,000 per annum|
Just Recruitment is recruiting for a Maintenance Engineer on behalf of a company based in Braintree, Essex to assist its maintenance team in planned maintenance and breakdown repairs throughout the site.
You will ideally have gained experience within an industrial/heavy engineering environment.
The focus of this role is to ensure the smooth day to day running of the company wide machines and buildings.
The role will require close coordination with the maintenance team.
The main department responsibilities in this role are as follows:
Skills, Experience & Qualifications:
Candidates without these qualifications but who can demonstrate relevant knowledge and experience will be considered.
Hours of work:
|Sector:||Engineering and Manufacturing
|Salary:||Discussed on application|
Our client is seeking an experienced Quality Assurance Manager to join them on a permanent, full-time basis. This opportunity offers stability, longevity and professional development.
Reporting directly to the MD, the Quality Assurance Manager will be responsible for:
|Salary:||£22,000 per annum|
Just Recruitment is delighted to be supporting a well-regarded organisation at the forefront of its sector that is looking to add a Customer Service Administrator to its team, due to growth – based on the outskirts of Halstead.
The main purpose of the role is to service current and prospective customers by receiving and processing orders, enquiries and general information in a timely and courteous manner.
Key tasks include:
Key requirements for the role:
Previous experience requirements:
Offering free parking and an excellent working environment, this is a great opportunity to join a growing team.
Working Monday to Friday 37.5 hours per week - offering a competitive salary and company benefits.
|Sector:||Engineering and Manufacturing
|Salary:||£8.91 per hour|
Want to work in a safe, clean environment?
And have the possibility of ongoing work?
Just Recruitment is recruiting for a Temporary Production Operative to be based in Needham Market.
8.30am - 5.00pm Monday to Friday